Mayfly.

Updated to-do list:

- Jane Austen paper: revise, finish conclusion, underline topic sentences, REFLECTIVE MEMO DETAILING PROCESS [due 29 Nov] Fifteen pages if you include skeletal outline and reflective memo
- Victorian crime paper: make sense of argument, finish writing, revise [due 30 Nov] Eleven pages
- read articles for Jane Austen; YOUR FINAL EXAM IS ON 1 DECEMBER (TONIGHT)
- quiz bowl tournament 3 Dec; also, celebrate your mother's birthday somehow, perhaps by taking her out for coffee on the 2nd because Dad will be taking her out to dinner and they'll be going to Nashville on the night of the 3rd to see the Sabres
- buy your mother a birthday present
- creative writing portfolio with some revised work due 5 Dec
- read short stories for Creative Writing: annotate, do letters [one for 28 Nov, two for 30 Nov] About four pages of letters
- VAMPIRE PAPER?????? ALEX WHAT ARE YOU EVEN WRITING ABOUT (12-15 pgs) [due 9 Dec]
- take-home finals: theory (10-14 pgs), Vict Crime (no more than 4 pages) both due 7 Dec
- history final 14 Dec

Running.

To do:

- Jane Austen paper: revise, finish conclusion, underline topic sentences, REFLECTIVE MEMO DETAILING PROCESS [due 29 Nov]

- Victorian crime paper: make sense of argument, finish writing, revise [due 30 Nov]

- read articles for Jane Austen; YOUR FINAL EXAM IS ON 1 DECEMBER

- quiz bowl tournament 3 Dec; also, celebrate your mother's birthday somehow, perhaps by taking her out for coffee on the 2nd because Dad will be taking her out to dinner and they'll be going to Nashville on the night of the 3rd to see the Sabres

- buy your mother a birthday present

- creative writing portfolio with some revised work due 5 Dec

- read short stories for Creative Writing: annotate, do letters [one for 28 Nov, two for 30 Nov]

- VAMPIRE PAPER?????? ALEX WHAT ARE YOU EVEN WRITING ABOUT (12-15 pgs) [due 9 Dec]

- take-home finals: theory (10-14 pgs), Vict Crime (no more than 4 pages) both due 7 Dec

- history final 14 Dec

ALSO:

- ask SIC out somehow

- keep calm

- do not panic

- go Christmas shopping for everyone you know, especially your flatmates, although you can do that once you turn in your vampire paper

- stop stalking people you hate

- STOP MOTHERFUCKING PROCRASTINATING AND GET BACK TO WORK

Crown of love.

Listening to Funeral for the first time in a long time; I'd forgotten how great this album is. Every track, every note--does something to me.

It makes me think of last year. But I'm not as sad as I was this time last year. I still have my moments, but it's not as crushing as it used to be.

I will survive, hey hey.

Are you satisfied?

Seth added me on Google+. Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

No. Not this time, or not for a while, at least.

Meanwhile, this song runs through my head at far too late at night.

It's my problem

if I want to pack up and run away

it's my business if I feel the need to smoke and drink and sway

It's my problem, it's my problem if I feel the need to hide

and it's my problem if I feel I have no friends and want to die

On the bright side, Oscar Wilde. And tea with Jamie next week. And sleeping now.

We rule the school.

My favourite part of yesterday (besides drunken debauchery in the eventide at Oz) was when Marcella and I were at the Flea off Market, eating delicious cake things. We need to go again; it’s a fabulous little thing that’s just started up, big enough to have a lot of vendors but small enough so that you have time to see everything.

But we sat there and recalled how we met, and then Marcella said, “We met through Seth.” Then we started laughing, because neither one of us is friends with him anymore. And it was some of the best laughter I've felt in quite a long time, even though it wasn't one of those super-giggles, if you know what I mean.

I'm really glad I have such fantastic friends.

For the widows in Paradise, for the fatherless in Ypsilanti.

This conversation further reminds me why I hate myself, why I view myself as having little to no worth in society, why I am an utter failure when it comes to social interactions. I despise myself more than words can say.

... and now I'm posting multiple things on the internet about it. Fantastic. Is that a cry for attention or what? How very vain of you, Alex. How very fucking vain. I'm proud of you in this moment for fucking up every relationship you've ever attempted to pursue. Space Ice Cream will remain wholly uninterested and you can't even get your throat open to ask him out on a proper date. You hold onto someone who doesn't give a flying fuck about you, and you destroyed a brilliant friendship with somebody else because you couldn't love them. They broke it off with a potential love interest, and you screwed them over. Doesn't even matter if you were explicit before. Now you've not talked in two weeks. How's that make you feel?

Flying pieces of shit. I hate everything much more than I ever thought I could.

Blindsided.

(1) I am bad at interpreting the facts of the situation and hold out false hope.

(2) I hate everything.

(3) This short story will not revise itself.

(4) I'm hormonal.

(5) I don't know what I'm even thinking anymore.

(6) Help.

Nantes.

Things currently on my mind:

1. Jane Austen paper. Not wanting to write aforementioned Jane Austen paper. Never wanting to write papers about Jane Austen ever again for my entire life.

2. Short story due Friday that I have mildly first-drafted. Fuck.

3. The fact that someone with a girlfriend keeps kind of flirting with me, which is just... all sorts of weird.

4. My relationship with SIC. I got to hang out with him today, and it was quite nice, and I nearly asked him out and then didn't because I am a coward, but... I don't know... there might be something there... there might be something there...

5. Boy With Girlfriend Hitting On Me who is convinced that SIC and I stand a real chance and that I should go for it, although who is he to judge SIC's heart?, but then also stating that his happiness is "entirely too dependent" on my own. Almost like he cares more for me than he does for his girlfriend. What the fuck.

6. Said Boy hitting on Colton.

7. Emily is freaking out about not knowing what courses to take, although to be honest I'm a little bit shocked that she's so ignorant of what our programme requires... she'll be taking the most basic English major course next term. I took it nearly two years ago. She's getting really angry and sort of bitchy about it, which is kind of understandable (to be frustrated) but also at the same time it's like... really? You are taking twelve hours and you don't have a job. You have PLENTY OF TIME to get an advising appointment and to think these things through. I don't quite understand and I know this sounds really unsympathetic and... I don't know.

Oops, she's shouting now, I'd better go see what this is about. Sorry to sound like a bitch. Then I'll go work on this !)#(*@)!$&%*(# paper.

THEN I GET TO SEE MARCELLA ON SATURDAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY

Oh shit "Hard to Concentrate" just came on shuffle. I hate you, I hate you, I hate you.