Song for a friend.

If we were meant to be together, then we would be. I don't mean this in a "fate handles everything" way, but you would have picked me over her. The fact that you chose her says something about her, something about you, and something about me. We have had what we have had, and what we had was great at the time, but I can't hold onto a stupid hope. I've gone past that stage now. I just know that I am not yours and you are not mine, so I can't even pretend that our prior history is something to go on. That's not what matters now. What matters is now.

I mean none of this in a pity-me-I'm-so-alone way. It's just something I realised while sleeping, and it's allowed me to live.

Breathe.

My favourite part of last night was singing "You Belong with Me" with you at two in the morning. It felt appropriate. As did "Last Request" by Paolo Nutini, which came on shuffle and was oddly timed as one of the most appropriate songs ever.

I don't even know what this means. Nothing good, I can imagine.

Re: stacks.

This is the shittiest weekend I can remember. I've already been feeling low for the past two weeks (lower this week than last due to the whole Ram thing), my mum had surgery on Friday to remove her gallbladder (and my parents almost didn't tell me about it) and now she's in a great deal of pain and needs constant care, and one of the fish died (Lindy), so now she's incredibly upset about that, too.

Fuck everything in the world. I just want to hibernate. I know my mum can't help it, but... this is not what I need. I am sick of feeling so... I don't even know.

I'm just angry and venting on the internet, that's all.

Lump sum.

Moral ambiguity!

Romulus.

From a Facebook interaction, from Marie to Kevin:

Kevin: I was actually at school all summer, which is why you haven't heard from me. YEY summer classes right? School is good but I miss home and you. How are you doing?
Marie: right now, i'm actually at work, roswell as usual :) and when i'm not focusing so hard on work, i'm just hanging out and spending time with family friends mostly... anji and alex have abandoned me in buffalo :( but i'm going back next monday to rochester, changed majors! epi major now, with a bit of health policy thrown in... i miss you too!! are you coming back for christmas?? oh and my brother joined the air force and is now in phillie for med school, cool huh?!!?

anji and alex have abandoned me in buffalo
(said obviously in jest)

Marie, we moved to different states with our families.
Marie, I never wanted to abandon you.
Marie, you changed your major to something that isn't strict med school?
Marie, you still remember me?
Marie, you still wish you could see me?

Marie, I still love you so much, and miss you more than I can say. I wish I could tell you everything that has happened to me in the time that I've been away from you, but I'm not even sure if I could find the right words for it all.